Archive for August, 2009

Memoirs of past..

Posted: August 20, 2009 in Short stories

It was in the middle of the night when the bursting sound of the clouds and thunderstorm forced her to leave her bed.
The raindrops started getting heavier and while everyone was trying to get somewhere inside, she instantly opened the door of the terrace and let herself out to feel the rain water on herself. For her it was like facing the warm sun rays after a long dark night of agony.
Every droplet of rain touching her skin promised a strange kind of satisfaction to her, which made her stand alone in the dark rainy night as long as she remained conscious of the present time.

Soon after, she felt alienated from the surroundings and started travelling back in time in her thoughts.

Zainab opened her eyes in a lower middle class family. Her father worked in a local factory while her mother used to sew clothes in order to help her husband in bringing up the children.
She clearly remembered the day when her father met with an accident in the factory and was no longer able to continue work. That was quite a shock for a family like hers which was already struggling hard to survive.
It was then that Zainab being the eldest of all four siblings had to take the responsibility of the family. She was hardly 18 years old at that time but still with little qualification she had, she started applying for jobs.
Every day she woke up with new hope and courage to come back home victorious but every night she went to sleep with despair, unnoticed by others.

Continuous rejection from different places left her with little hope.
After being refused one day in an interview, she came out hurriedly with a heavy heart and tears began to well in the corner of her eyes.
Little did she know that a lady working in that office was observing Zainab ever since she entered the office. The lady came to her and asked if she could help her out. Zainab kept silent with her eyes glued to the ground so as to avoid the looks of sympathy in the eyes of the lady. Then the lady offered her to sit for a while and told her that it is not easy for women to acquire job in a man’s world but they can make the task easy by following few tips.
The lady also told Zainab that she is not going to get a job unless she is ready to bring a change in her appearance and attitude which is too old-fashioned and inappropriate for the 21st century society.
Zainab who had always regarded her morals and principles high above anything was ready compromise on anything now in order to get a job and had decided to come out of the shell and start working on the advice of that friendly lady.

Soon she had transformed herself into a confident young girl from a timid person.
She had now learned the little tricks of keeping her bosses happy, sometimes with a lunch, dinner or coffee and at other times simply by spending time with them having long conversation leading to nowhere.
However Zainab was not satisfied with her new role she was playing on the stage of life but was ready to take every step forward to make her family happy

With promotions and increment in salary, she was quite able to bring a happy change in her family but not in her own life.

When everything seemed to go on smoothly, life played another trick on her, when she had to choose any one between her family’s wants and the love of her life, her fiancé.

Her memory of that dark rainy night was still untouched; that night when he came to see her and requested for the last time to quit her job right then or else to quit him.
His words made her feel as if a hard ball has stuck into her throat which she could neither swallow nor throw out. She became numb and could not utter a single word but it seemed that her silence had indicated an answer to him.
Then she saw him slipping away from her life but had no words to make him stop.
Long after he was gone, Zainab wished that this would be just another nightmare and everything would be fine when she wake up in the morning but in fact reality is another name of nightmare.

And though she had assumed that her family needs her more than him but losing her love was like losing life itself, for her love was actually her strength to fight against the odds of life and now she felt utterly vulnerable.

After spending many sleepless nights, Zainab had decided to utilize all the remaining energy in her for the comfort of her family.
Day by day, she became quiet and mechanical, repeating the same chores every single day aimlessly and without complaining.
Each day she would tell herself that she had made the right decision but her wretched heart would not listen to the reasons that her mind offered.

It has been more than five years now and though Zainab’s family is well off and happy but somewhere along the road that she had taken she has lost her being.

With these thoughts of the past and blurred vision, Zainab came back inside the room and realized that it’s not just her; in fact this world is full of people making sacrifices and compromises to live just a little bit of their dreams. At least she has been fortunate enough that life offered her a little chance but which she politely refused.

No wonder, the rain has filled in a special healing power inside her wretched soul tonight.

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aey umr-e-rawaan kuch tu hi bata..

Posted: August 16, 2009 in Poetry, Urdu

Aey Gardish-e-dauraan, Umr-e-rawaan
kuch pal k liye sastaaney dey
ye naatey, reet, ye rasm-o-rawaah
in sab sey aankh churaaney dey
ye jabr-e-musalsal rishton ke
ye bandhan aansoo aahon ke
ab zanjeerein si lagti hein
in zanjeeron sey pal do pal
thori si mujhey azaadi dey
aey umr-e-rawaan kuch thehr zaraa
aey dil ki khalish kuch chain tou ley
iss dasht-e-alam mein deeda-e-num
kuch khawaab sey dekha karti heiN

khush-fehmi ke behlaawon sey
kuch harf tassali deti hein
iss tanj-o-alam ney tora hay
kuch aur ghumon mein chhora hay
ye rishton ki zanjeerein ab tou
saath sada ki saathi hein
ye tor bhi kaesey saktey hein

aey Umr-e-rawaan kuch pal ke liye
asooda nagar mein jaaney dey
us shokh nazar sey poochh tou lein
iss raah pe kyun ye paagal dil
anjaani layh pe dhaRka hay?
iss mor pe kyun ye daaman dil
phir kis ke aagey phaila hey?

ye nazreiN unki raahon mein
kyuN sajdah-raizii karti hein?
ye bharm-o-anaa ki deewaarein
iss karb-o-junooN sey haari hein
aey gardish-e-dauraan tuu hi bataa
iss Simt pe chal kar kya hogaa?
iss dard ka darmaan kya hogaa?

iss rog ka marham kya hogaa?
iss dard ka haasil Hijr hay kya?
iss raah ka haasil hijr hay kya?
aey umr-e-rawaan kuch tu hi bataa..

Aey watan Pak watan

Posted: August 14, 2009 in Articles, Pakistan, Random thoughts


With my eyes closed I find myself slowly humming to the song ‘Aey merey piyare watan’ by Ustaad Amanat Ali Khan, being played on television in the next room. I heard my mother praising the voice and claiming it a timeless song in the history of Pakistan.
No doubt, the song has an unusual effect every time I hear it; it gives me shivers and reminds me all over again of my responsibility towards my homeland.

While the song still is playing on, suddenly I feel being dragged towards my past, my school days in 1998 when I along with my friends was busy decorating the classroom with our paintings and other decorative items. After that I was in the computer lab rehearsing to my speech dedicated to this special day i.e. 14th of August- our independence day. Finally I see myself on the stage and the speech finished off with the usual note –Pakistan Zindabad

Tujh se hai meri tamannaa’on ki duniya pur-nuur
Azam mera kabhi merey iradey hain ghayyuur

With these lines playing I regain my consciousness and realize that it is the same day but the year 2009, almost 10 years later my memory is playing tricks with me reminding me of my golden years when I was full of vigor and desire to play my part obediently towards the betterment of my land; to act in all possible ways to make this place a little better and peaceful place for me, my people and my surroundings; to make Pakistan a corruption-free state and above all I really want to see Pakistan as the fort of Islam.

But little did I know then that it is always easier said than done.
For now when I look around myself, I find miserable people in need of common necessities of life and in search of that little piece of happiness which seem to have vanished somewhere.

But who is to be blamed for the depressing condition of the country?
The Government? The Leaders? The Opposition? Media? Judiciary?

For a change, today on the 62nd Independence Day of Pakistan, I’d like to put the blame on myself, for I am the one who has been unable to realize my dreams of making my home a happy place. Just like in the fairy tales there are happy endings, I wanted the same for my land but in fact I never worked hard and achieved what it needs to make a happy ending. For I was so much obsessed with the idea and dream that I almost forgot that the most essential part that is the reality factor was missing from my dream.

Merey mehboob Watan tujh pe agar jaan ho nisaar
Main ye samjhun ga thikaney laga sarmaya-o-dhan

However as they say, every end has a new beginning. So I’ll take that quote as an inspiration today and will try hard to achieve a little part of my dream, if not whole.
Although it has been 62 years, but it is never too late to make a change, or is it?