Archive for the ‘Random thoughts’ Category

long and gone..

Posted: July 22, 2010 in Random thoughts

You have been away so long, so far
that now even your presence irritates me.

When you were parting, I wanted you to stay
and when you are back I want you to leave me.

Because when you left me here in this big blank space
where I see no one but me and I got used to of me.

You have left me in the dark for so long now
that even a ray of light is enough to enrage me.

So just go back to you heavenly abode
because in my misery I am enough for me.

A new face of clouds

Posted: June 30, 2010 in Random thoughts

It was warm inside; sort of getting unbearable to stay in any longer so I let myself out to take in a breath of fresh air, but the atmosphere outside was even more unpleasant.

I moved my head up as if to find the reason of this bitter weather and noticed that some gloomy grayish-white clouds have seized the bright sky. The sight rather seemed suffocating; hardly visible blissful sky was doing every effort to dodge the clouds and run away.
But the grey toxic clouds had a firm grip on the sky with its clutching hands and did not let the sky alone even for a minute.

Witnessing all this the suffocation inside me was reaching its height but I did not move and kept standing there for some time in doubt, I could not go back in that insufferably warm room and I cannot witness this scene anymore where the poor sky was at the mercy of lethal clouds.
..

(more…)

A child with sparkling eyes and rough hair was quite busy playing with mud and creating some fascinating things out of it when a woman’s voice detached him from his playful activity.

‘Come back here, don’t do that! What will people think! They would call you a nasty little thing and no one would play with you anymore!’ the woman was trying to convince the child not to play with mud.
Upon hearing this, the child looked up and around in fear confirming no one was watching him and then got up leaving behind his creations alone.

It was quite a pleasing sight for me until that voice came from nowhere.
And that reminded me of certain experiences in my life where I have been constantly reminded and scared of ‘the people.’ I got to know about the existence of these people at an early stage and sever since then I have been wondering about these people and their whereabouts.

I have always been known as a quiet person in the family who does not like to discuss others nor like to be discussed. But of course this not-so-normal attitude was intolerable for the family and they never forget to remind me:
‘What kind of a girl are you! What will people think of you! At least try to cultivate some habits of talking pleasantly!’
And I could not help but wonder what will people think and why would people be so interested in me!

Writing these lines, my mind is helping me remember certain other incidents where I was reminded of the people:

– ‘Look at your clothes! You want people to make fun of you? No, right? Then go and change come on.’

– ‘You want to go abroad for studies all by yourself? Have you gone crazy? What will the family say? What will people think of us?’

Even some expressions by my friends such as:

– What! Are you out of your mind? You want to be story-writer?
Wait let me first remind you what people think of writers!

– You know what people were talking about you last night…

And the list happily goes on..

I’m pretty sure all of us at some stage of our life (if not daily) must have heard about these amazing, righteous, thoughtful beings that we call ‘the people’.

Who people, you say?
Well I am talking about those very people, the same nameless and faceless beings who have been in the constant practice of observing and discussing our visible parts of life. From buying clothes, to going restaurants, to meeting people or going shopping they are constantly observing my actions whether I like it or not. But I have to confess that whether active or inactive, seen or unseen, heard or unheard but they have been there in our lives like forever.

Below I have tried to come up with some possible answers to the questions that pop into my mind whenever I’m reminded of these people.

– Who are these people?
They are supposedly normal human beings just like me but with an enormous sense of morality and hearts full of concern for others.

– Where are these people found?
Everywhere. Yes, literally everywhere. (They are so powerful that they can even live in your minds.)

– How do they look like?
They come in all sizes, shapes and looks.

– What do they do?
Their lone business is to observe, discuss and comment on your actions, decisions in fact all of your life.

– Why do they exist in my life?
They have been there in my life as long as I can remember. But the main reason these people are there is because I have allowed them to be there in my life. I have let them observe and comment on my actions.

– And most importantly, what is their significance in my life?
Their importance in my life is as much as I assign them. If I never question their authority and let them do what they always do, they will continue to meddle in my thoughts and actions.
But what if one day I decided to set these people free from my mind, from my life, set them free forever! Yes, only then I can separate myself from so-called people. And what if that day is today!

However, at this point, I am trying to grasp the reality in the following lines by Anton Chekhov –

“Oh, the public! There’s no satisfying them! It’s no use working and doing one’s best! . . . . If you do nothing — they’re angry; if you begin doing your duty, they’re angry too. There’s nothing for it but drink!”

‘Lahore is under siege! We are under attack!’ read the text message on a certain person’s phone. The phone owner hurriedly switched on the television, clicked the remote a few times to find his favourite news channel and seated himself on a comfy couch all set to watch some distressing scenes taking place in his city.

With eyes glued on the screen and hands with a firm hold on the mobile phone, he typed in to his friend who had informed him about this devastating terror attack, ‘Oh look! How the devil did that terrorist got up there!’

The first person who was in his office, and has been watching the terror scenes since long was getting frustrated now, ‘what the hell is the police doing!’ he texted.

The second person, sitting at home could not type anything but, ‘I just don’t know what is wrong with this country!’

The television was now repeating the same images revealed an hour go which showed the terrorist firing from a top building, people screaming and running away on the streets, police taking its position to counter the terrorist.

..

Few minutes passed and both friends were quiet for sometime as if waiting for the next move of the terrorist so that they have something to write to each other.

Soon the television screens were broadcasting some new images of the terrorist blazing bullets at the naive people who were trying to hide, trying to run away in an attempt to save their lives from a monstrous being that was destined to kill them all without any seemingly possible reason.

The person at office who was fond of watching national geographic documentaries started comparing the current scene on television with another scene on another channel. He thought, the scene is quite similar, for there also someone was running, hiding, trying hard to save his life from a beast, just like this scene on the news channel.

But the only difference was, the earlier channel was showing a human in action while the latter channel was capturing a scene from wildlife where an innocent deer was trying to save his life from a lethal leopard destined to kill him.

Few moments passed away, the terrorist got in full action, and the text message discussion also got in full swing.

Both friends sitting in a fully air-conditioned room were trying to analyze the thoughts, emotions and fear of the people under attack. Both were eager to share each and every move of attack and give their viewpoints on the scene as if the lives of those unlucky beings depended on this discussion or as if it was doing any good to those people who were the target of this ruthless act.
..

After a long discussion, the two people witnessing the scenes of chaos on the television screen seemed to be running short of words to discuss the scene with each other, and the person at office typed in: ‘May God have mercy!’
The person at home said with a deep sigh: ‘He better have mercy!’

But in fact they were not short of words they were simply getting bored of the repetitive images on the screen.

..

‘What if I was among them?’, thought one of the friend disturbed by the incident.

‘We live and we die, after all life is the name of moving on,’ other friend at home came to this conclusion in his mind.

‘Oh God! I have already wasted so much time worrying about those people who I don’t even know, I really should focus on work now’, the friend at office thought and got busy in work.

‘This is getting too much bloody! I can’t watch this anymore!’ thought the friend at home and switched the channel.

As the desperate conversation between the two friends came to a dead-end, so did the dreams and lives of many people who became an object of the fatal attack without any cause.

But of course why should the living spare many a thoughts on dead?
Even this thought seems really absurd that some lifeless and ghostly figures lying on the streets now were as real and alive just few moments ago as these two friends..

Weird attraction

Posted: April 29, 2010 in Random thoughts

Full Moon


What compelled me to write tonight is that milky white almost perfect round object lighting up the whole of the sky. The moon which captivated my totally tonight! so much so that I was constantly looking at it and it was glaring back at me with more or less same admiration.

The full moon that my eyes witnessed last night and tonight was certainly not some ordinary sight.
The moon looked different, it attracted me in a weird away with so much intensity that I instantly wanted to touch it somehow. Don’t really know what attraction it had tonight, but it was simply a beautiful and soothing thing to look at! and reminded me of these lines..

One day I’ll go dancing on the moon
Someday you’ll know, that I was the one for you

Someday we’ll know, if love can move a mountain
Someday we’ll know, why the sky is blue
Someday we’ll Know, why I wasn’t meant for you

Later on, i read that the April 28 full moon is known as the “Full Pink Moon” because of the grass pink – or wild ground phlox – flower, which is one of the earliest widespread flowers to bloom in the spring. And that there is a special lunar name for every full moon in a year.

But what’s in a name? whatever name we may give it, the fact is it still remains a moon, earth’s well-lit and highly anticipated neighbour. Specially anticipated by and significant for Muslims, because the Islamic calendar is a lunar calendar based on 12 lunar months in a year. The Muslims all around the globe practice moon sighting so as to mark the start of  a month and to determine the proper day on which to celebrate Islamic holy days and festivals.

And then there are several stories associated with the moon, about its magical abilities and mysteries connected with it. It is often said that this Moon really has some magical abilities. Once you start looking at it continuously for few minutes, you won’t be able to tear yourself away from the Moon.

For instance, the tides depends on the Moon. Since the rise and fall of water in the ocean are caused by the gravitational interaction between the Earth and the Moon. I have been on the beach on the full moon night, the tides just seem mad trying to reach the people on the shore as far as they can. Some people are afraid of it and some just love the feeling and I am glad to be the part of the latter group of people.

And then the full Moon is even more mysterious. Even scientists proved that the full Moon has particular influence on the human organism. The positive or negative influence on the person depends on every personality.
And then of course the stories of werewolves and vampires that are supposedly active at night of the full Moon and it is also said that people turn into wolves when they looked at the full Moon.

I don’t know if there is tiny truth in any of those stories but I know people always wanted to reach the Moon. And they managed it though, being a sceptic person I am not pretty sure that they whatever they did land on was Moon or what.

This weird attraction of mine is perhaps part of the reason that my nom de plume is Selene.
In Greek mythology, Seléne was an archaic lunar deity. Essentially, Selene is the moon goddess but is literally defined as ‘the moon’. Selene is generally depicted as a beautiful woman with a pale face, riding a silver chariot drawn by white horses or white oxen. The best known myth about Selene tells how who madly loved a mortal named Endymion, a shepherd.

However, the main reason for this name of mine is Kate Beckinsale, named as Selene in the movie, Underworld. The moment I saw her, I started imagining myself in the same character as ferocious as her and using different types of weapons both modern and medieval.

A Melancholic thought..

Posted: December 31, 2009 in Random thoughts

I believe music, and more specifically songs have a very special effect on human mind, feelings and behaviour. Sometimes a particular song reminds of a memory that we hold dear. A song can actually create the whole scene in our mind and thus allows us the chance of re-enjoying the moment that has passed long ago.
And this is what I am experiencing right now. This song ‘I need a hero – Frou Frou’ and ‘Don’t leave home – Dido’ are constantly reminding me of July 2009 when Ahsan was here and he first introduced me to these two songs and I instantly liked them.
What time! What memories these two songs have brought upon me today!
We would be awake all night watching movies or playing Ono or just talking and more talking. And those fights – which seemed like a heart attack then, are now a reason to smile.

Good times those were!
But this is not the case always. Sometimes songs bring to life harsh memories, troubled times and when that happens you yearn to be back in that time so that you could correct the past, bring back what has been lost. However something or someone which is no more cannot be brought back to life and this is a sad part about music.

But still memory it is – good or bad – your choice! Enjoy it or ignore it!

But why do these songs and music affect us so much! Why?
Because we let them do so! We have given them the authority to control our feelings but in fact it should be the other way around. We should be in control of our things, our feelings – only us! And not some music, films or books!

Humans and emotions..

Posted: October 26, 2009 in Random thoughts

Had a long emotional discussion with a good old friend vibby last night 25 Oct 09, 2 am.. discussed emotions crazy emotions, attachment, love, pain, music, affection, people, politics, life, death.. and what not!

And i believe in an hour or so we talked so much gosh.. hell of a discussion it was and it made me cry literally and then felt so good.. felt light inside and all satisfied..in that hour we really summed up our lives.. and in the end he said
‘I would rate this as the BEST talk we ever ever had.!’ : )

Ques/Ans session:
We started with sports (specifically LivPool – ManU match) and ended on emotions.. and the question by him which got me all in the conversation was:
‘Why does attachment hurt?’
I don’t know why but it sure does.. we like making bonds with people with whom we find similarities, we like them we love them then we miss them when they are apart; after all everyone wants to love and be loved back. I guess everyone.

And then i asked.. ‘Eventually, does love make us strong or weak?’
and both of us agreed on the strong part.. having our own reasons for that.

Difference between 2 lives I’m living:
Then also discussed the difference, the good and the bad things about our 2 lives i.e. the real life and the online life..
I believe every person has two parts of him –
1- what we really are in real.
2- what we want to be like.

And that is precisely the basic difference between the two lives i am living.
No. 1 is my real life, where i act and perform according to my fears and No.2 is my online life where i just be what i want to be without any fear, obligation or rules.
And really this virtual world is not a luxury or addiction for me. It is a necessity, a part of me without which it will be hard to breathe to survive.

And i believe in a hour or so we talked so much gosh.. hell of a discussion and i loved it! made me cry literally and then felt so good.. felt light inside and all satisfied..in that hour we really summed up our lives.. and he

Aey watan Pak watan

Posted: August 14, 2009 in Articles, Pakistan, Random thoughts


With my eyes closed I find myself slowly humming to the song ‘Aey merey piyare watan’ by Ustaad Amanat Ali Khan, being played on television in the next room. I heard my mother praising the voice and claiming it a timeless song in the history of Pakistan.
No doubt, the song has an unusual effect every time I hear it; it gives me shivers and reminds me all over again of my responsibility towards my homeland.

While the song still is playing on, suddenly I feel being dragged towards my past, my school days in 1998 when I along with my friends was busy decorating the classroom with our paintings and other decorative items. After that I was in the computer lab rehearsing to my speech dedicated to this special day i.e. 14th of August- our independence day. Finally I see myself on the stage and the speech finished off with the usual note –Pakistan Zindabad

Tujh se hai meri tamannaa’on ki duniya pur-nuur
Azam mera kabhi merey iradey hain ghayyuur

With these lines playing I regain my consciousness and realize that it is the same day but the year 2009, almost 10 years later my memory is playing tricks with me reminding me of my golden years when I was full of vigor and desire to play my part obediently towards the betterment of my land; to act in all possible ways to make this place a little better and peaceful place for me, my people and my surroundings; to make Pakistan a corruption-free state and above all I really want to see Pakistan as the fort of Islam.

But little did I know then that it is always easier said than done.
For now when I look around myself, I find miserable people in need of common necessities of life and in search of that little piece of happiness which seem to have vanished somewhere.

But who is to be blamed for the depressing condition of the country?
The Government? The Leaders? The Opposition? Media? Judiciary?

For a change, today on the 62nd Independence Day of Pakistan, I’d like to put the blame on myself, for I am the one who has been unable to realize my dreams of making my home a happy place. Just like in the fairy tales there are happy endings, I wanted the same for my land but in fact I never worked hard and achieved what it needs to make a happy ending. For I was so much obsessed with the idea and dream that I almost forgot that the most essential part that is the reality factor was missing from my dream.

Merey mehboob Watan tujh pe agar jaan ho nisaar
Main ye samjhun ga thikaney laga sarmaya-o-dhan

However as they say, every end has a new beginning. So I’ll take that quote as an inspiration today and will try hard to achieve a little part of my dream, if not whole.
Although it has been 62 years, but it is never too late to make a change, or is it?